Chaos turned to art

Chaos turned to art

Written on 01/06/2021
Ulla Mia

Written by Ulla Mia

Ever hear a song that feels like it’s written for you or your story? As if some distant artist, beyond all reason and unawareness, wrote a melodic piece of poetry that pierced into your very heart?

Well, I’ve always believed the written word holds power. Power of release. Power of identity. Power of acceptance or rejection.

There’s something about a tragic poem or a soulful ballad. They tell stories better than we sometimes give them credit for. God has often used the power of story and music to help me understand His love for me or to give me clarity in my struggles.

I use writing to clear my thoughts and emotions when my voice can’t utter the correct words. As someone who struggles with anxiety and depression, I can often become consumed by a hurricane of warring emotions, making me feel like a battleground.

I can’t see my thoughts clearly in the darkest moments. I have learned to sort out my mind’s chaos and turmoil through poetry.

Sometimes, tears stream from my eyes, my heart pounds its loud way into deep silence, and my mind attacks itself in a battalion, forgetting who its true enemy is.

It’s then I pull out my phone and type chaos into art, tragedy worded into a beauty that can both break and heal a heart. This gave me a way to express things I never knew how to speak aloud, helping my friends to understand and know me more deeply.

Creativity is not a new discovery for me, although my passion has been revived more recently. I was that preteen girl who read Shakespeare and wrote her own short stories of broken hearts and dreaming big.

I wanted to inspire people, to tell others that things will be okay, no matter how bad things seem.

But when my mental health began declining, I lost my passion for over four years. In those dark times, I sealed off my love for creativity and art. Then my closest friend was almost diagnosed with cancer. I wrote out a poetic prayer of desperation to God.

Please don’t take him away, God. I’m begging You please, don’t take him away from me.

I asked God to heal him and to give me the strength to never lose my faith no matter what happened. I read the words aloud to God on repeat.

I feared the worst and admittedly could not imagine what I’d do if my friend died. It was my biggest relief when I found out he was in the clear.

In that time of fear, I grasped at poetry. It was as if God wanted to rekindle it for my personal healing. And, all the while, He didn’t just use writing for my healing journey—He used my poetry and my story to touch the people around me.

I began showing my work to close friends in my church. They appreciated the depth and rawness of my art. That’s the crazy thing about Godly creativity. If we let Him in or offer it up to Him, He can use it in beautiful ways!

I believe God created us to be creative. For me, writing out my struggles or emotions helps me become more open and vulnerable with the Lord and those I love. It is teaching me to be more dependant on God.

They may be different for each of us, but all kinds of creative outlets can bring us into a beautiful depth of vulnerability and openness.